I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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