you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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