im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
