Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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