She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
