she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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