I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
