I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
