it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
