I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I need water and some morals
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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