btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You made out with two different species that night
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
