i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
