It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
