He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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