what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
