Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
