We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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