I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
