I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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