I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
