i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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