a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
