We're like a lot better than the average bears
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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