They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
