Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
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