I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
