I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
