Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
