I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
