Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Your cock deserves a montage
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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