I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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