I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
