My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
