Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
splinters make it hard to masturbate
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
