I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
