arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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