all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
