I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
