Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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