life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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