wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
