I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
