I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
