Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
