five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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