i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
