and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
