I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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