I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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