k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
