went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
