I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
