Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
