dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
